Writing has been feeling therapeutic lately, and friends around me have inspired me to lean into what gives me joy and feels good to me. So, here I come, opening the doors on what I’ve been working on and why it deeply touches me.

In a world where fear lurks around every corner and bodies feel unsettled and jittery, art brings warmth to our hearts and makes us feel something — anything — instead of numbing ourselves.

After 12 years in New York, and more than 18 years living away from my blood family, there have been tears and existential crises. But what always came back was the desire to reconnect with my roots, to share what I’ve learned, and to offer a different spectrum of dance, movement, and meaning behind what it is to be a dancer.

I have spent my life torn over what it truly means to be a dancer — how deeply my identity has been tied to it — and trying to understand who I am with or without it. Yet, through all the uncertainty, some truths remain: movement heals me, I need it in my life, I want to take people on a journey when I perform, and I want to be bold enough to open myself, vulnerably, to the eyes of strangers.

Freedom — that is what I seek in movement. To be a dancer is to have the courage to move without restraint.

With this understanding came a yearning to return home, to share with my folks the passion that drives me, the reason our hearts long for one another, and to create work that speaks to me deeply.

In 2023, I began reconnecting with artists from my hometown, Tarbes, dreaming of the day I would perform there with family and childhood friends in the audience. I spoke with Dominique Prunier and Pascal Esclarmonde — artists and family friends — and shared my intentions. That’s when they decided to jump in. They were looking to create a new piece but felt uncertain about what to do next. This is where the dream began: mixing lighting design, dance, an original soundtrack and theater, Tarbes and New York. Bringing Smashworks to Tarbes felt meant to be.

After a week in France in 2024 with both the French and American teams together, we knew something special was taking shape. It gave us hope despite the questions: “How will you rehearse if you’re not in the same country?” “How will you understand each other if you don’t speak the same language?” “A dance show — in this economy?” We’ve heard it all.

This project came at a time when both my life and Ashley’s were shifting dramatically. From the state of the world to deeply personal experiences — agonizing, painful, and overwhelming — questions kept crashing in. Dilemmas, value conflicts, identity struggles, and an internal battle with my own thoughts erupted. And when all these emotions arrive while creating a new piece, they naturally find their way into the work.

404 INSIDE was born. Through a delicate interplay of bodies, sound, language, and light, the work mirrors the complexity of human thought — constantly navigating the tension between what should be, what could be, and, ultimately, what is. It channels the chaos and beauty of the mind in motion — a visceral search for grounding in a noisy world.

So here we are — a month before Ashley and I fly to Tarbes to bring this piece to life.

I want to remember this moment. I want to document this process. And I want to share it with the people I love.

If you’ve read this far, thank you. I cannot wait to share the next steps of this journey, you can expect a post per week for the next 2 months to follow our journey!

In the meantime, follow @smashworksdance and @red.frog on Instagram, check out the website, and stay tuned for more on our work and the piece.